Grief, Food, and Eating - Challenges and Support for Navigating Food this Time of Year

For this blog post, I collaborated with Alicia Morrow. Alicia Morrow is the creator of The Self-Honoring Woman System. She helps busy professional women and moms reclaim their vitality, lose weight, and heal from chronic health challenges. Her process is unique: her clients go on the Self-Honoring Woman Journey to stop overriding their bodies and come out from under the spell of toxic dietary and health practices so they can make healthier, vitality-preserving choices that truly honor all of who they are. Her clients consistently regain their health, release weight, and reclaim their beauty from a place of renewed wholeness, passion, and power. You can learn more about her work and free Green Smoothie Guide at the end of this article.

Grief, Food, and Eating - Why Food and Eating Can Be Challenging When You’re Grieving, How to Best Support Someone Who Is Dealing with Loss, and Important Tips for Navigating Food Traditions During the Holidays

I remember on the evening of the death of my daughter, the police officer told me I needed to eat some protein to help me get through the rest of the night.

I was in shock. Eating was the last thing on my mind and the idea of it didn’t interest me at all.  But after that nudge from the police officer, I realized I was shaky, tired, and wanted to pass out on the floor. I recognized I needed to eat. 

This gentle suggestion to grab and eat a protein bar helped soothe me enough to at least try to sleep that night, and it helped my body feel a bit more balanced.

When it comes to grief and loss, even if we might not realize it, food is an inseparable part of the experience.

There is a body chemistry that accompanies shock and grief that can lead to a loss of appetite and a shutdown of the digestive tract. Since the nervous system is intimately connected to the gut, some people forget to eat, or simply eat less during times of grief and loss.

Food can serve a number of different purposes in the grief process. Although it’s normal to not want to eat in the immediate aftermath and early experiences of grief, for some, food can provide a sense of ground, solace, and comfort amidst the disorientation and bewilderment that so often accompany loss.

Some people turn to food as a way to self-soothe and comfort themselves. Eating is an effective way to calm and regulate the nervous system – something that can be difficult to come by in the early stages of grief and loss.

Some people turn to specific comfort foods, while others may want nothing to do with eating at all.

There is no one right way.

If you are someone who is in the throes of grief, you may not want to eat, or you may be too tired to eat. It’s not unusual to forget about eating; or not be able to recall how to use the appliances in your kitchen; or be unable to make that recipe you’ve made a thousand times before.

This may be a part of your grief, and it’s okay if you find yourself here. Being a grieving person means you are also a grieving eater. Your taste buds may have changed along with so many other things in your life at this time.

If you are a friend or loved one looking for a way to support someone who is grieving, you can help your person by making easy to heat up foods, which can be such a welcome gift.

Organizing meals, such as Take Them a Meal or Meal Train, so your loved one isn’t without food for a few months, or dropping off a meal here and there, can be especially helpful. 

If you’re looking to make your contributions as supportive as possible, here are some helpful tips and things to consider:

• Be sure you know of any food sensitivities or allergies, and pay special attention to the needs of everyone living in the home. If you are the person in charge of setting up the scheduled meals, be sure to let everyone know up front about these details, too.

• You will want to consider both the reheating, eating, and clean up of the meal you create, as your grieving loved one may be easily confused and/or quite low on energy right now.

• One pot meals that can be served up and eaten from a bowl with a spoon like soups or stews can be especially nice. 

• When you drop off the food, be sure to include eating utensils. Ask the griever if they would like utensils with any future meals you might bring, or if they would prefer to use their own. 

• Healthy snacks, fruit, chopped vegetables, protein bars, tea, water, and healthy juices can be helpful, too.

• You can also throw in other necessities such as toilet paper, reusable forks and spoons, plates, napkins, and tissues.

Usual interest in food traditions can shift and change in unexpected ways with grief and loss.

With Thanksgiving and the holidays fast approaching, food and eating can become especially challenging. The person who always cooked family favorites might be gone - due to death, divorce, or ambiguous loss. Favorite recipes and traditions may feel lost, too.

If you are the one who is grieving, you may have forgotten which ingredients go into that traditional and much beloved recipe. Or the very thought of cooking may feel overwhelming because of how grief impacts memory and the ability to perform formerly simple tasks.

Sometimes the only foods that feel appealing are bland and comparatively boring foods. Be gentle and generous with yourself as you navigate the changing landscape of both your appetite, taste buds, and life.

Remember it is normal to experience a shift in your relationship to food and eating during grief and loss. 

Comfort eating and food may become a source of solace when grief is present. But food can also feel challenging because of the chemistry grief creates in the body, and because of the memories and associations that are so often connected to mealtimes, holiday celebrations, beloved traditions, and more. 

If you are someone who is grieving, know that it is normal for food and eating to feel different, sometimes foreign, and often challenging. Let yourself lean on the support that is present in your life. Be gentle with yourself. 

If you are seeking to support a grieving loved one, being able to better recognize how their daily life - including food and eating - has been impacted can make you an even better care giver to them.

Checking in on your loved one, offering to cook meals and bring snacks for them, inviting them to a Thanksgiving or holiday meal, and accepting that they may find food and eating challenging right now are all beautiful ways you can support someone who is navigating grief.

Grab Alicia's favorite digestion remedy - her Green Smooth guide here: www.AliciaMorrow.com/green-smoothie/  

Learn more about Alicia’s work here: www.AliciaMorrow.com