Care and Kindness: What are They in Grief and Loss?
A lot has happened since I wrote my first blog post last January, and I am grateful for the support and belief in my business. This year has been a year of learning, hope, and patience. When I think about these words, I also notice that these words often come up in grief, so while launching my business was not grief, it was an experience that grew my hope and patience, and therefore, provided me more opportunities to practice kindness and care.
I want to leave you with two words to end the year: care and kindness. Both as words to, one, consider as you reflect on your past year and look to the new year, and two, as strategies to utilize throughout the holidays as you navigate your grief and loss experience(s) and support others in their grief and loss.
Care
Showing care to ourselves helps us care for ourselves and others and live authentically. Care means you tend to yourself and your needs, especially your emotional needs. Care is something that is a consistent practice. Here are examples of how you may show yourself care in grief and loss:
· Be curious about your feelings.
· Try to understand your needs.
· Go on a walk or find a way to practice gentle movement.
· Let a friend know you may need to call them to check in with them at challenging times.
Kindness
When we show ourselves care, we are being kind to ourselves. Care is one way to show kindness to ourselves. Kindness is more of an action, and kindness with yourself is to be okay with wherever you are in your own journey too. While it is helpful to be kind consistently, kindness can also be an action itself. Here are examples of how you may show yourself kindness in grief and loss:
· Let others know how you want to communicate.
· There was before this particular loss and now there is after this particular loss. Many people are still trying to relate to you as if before the loss, so you may need to clarify how your needs have changed.
· Kindly remove yourself from conversations that are not working for you.
· Being kind to yourself also means that you are mindful about goals you set for yourself during the holidays and for the new year. If you plan on goal setting, adjust your goals to something that feels easily within reach. For instance, if you want to journal more, maybe set a goal to write one sentence a week for a month.
So, what’s the difference between kindness and care? Not much! They are quite synonymous, and when I show myself care, I often spread kindness, and when I show kindness to myself, I show myself care. However, there are subtle nuances that help delineate these two beautiful words—care is more about consistency; kind action to the griever; and mindful consideration of other’s and one’s own wants and needs. Kindness may be a one-off action or a way of being toward oneself or a griever. Both are meaningful words to use to support others going through grief and loss and to show toward yourself in grief and loss.
So where does anger fit into kindness and care? This question has come up a few times throughout the year. Anger is an emotion that helps us make meaning from our experiences and guards us from harm, while it also may often be a key emotion to process in grief and loss. Anger may be tended to with kindness and care, so that it may not be all-consuming or harmful to self and/or others.
· Acknowledging that you are angry is a good first step.
· Letting yourself feel anger is important too.
· Being curious about it and understanding its purpose—for example, is it keeping you from feeling more painful emotions, or is it helping you understand your needs, or both? —provides you more self-understanding.
It is okay to feel anger and responding to anger may involve patience, kindness, and care.
As the year ends, consider reflecting on ways that someone has been kind to you and how someone has shown you care that has worked for you. Try to find ways to include these examples in your own care practices toward yourself.
As you acknowledge whichever holiday you celebrate this time of year, know that you are not alone. Human relationships are messy and awkward, and this time of year may be difficult, so hold yourself with care and kindness as you navigate challenging conversations, hard feelings, experiences, and relationships.
Lastly, here is an overview of the blog topics from this past year with direct links to their content. Share these posts with your family and friends and revisit the ones that have been helpful to you. Wishing you all a new year filled with care and kindness.
Blog Posts from Roots and Wings Grief and Loss Coaching 2023
January: Navigating your career through grief and loss
February: Interview with Joan Schunck, a Mental Health Counselor Who Specializes in Grief
April: Postpartum and Perinatal Depression and Anxiety, There is Hope and There is Help
May: Grief and heartbreak, dealing with death loss of a romantic partner
June: Uprooting and Expanding One’s Wings to a New Place
November: Grief, Food, and Eating – Challenges and Support for Navigating Food This Time of Year
