About My Approach to Grief and Loss Coaching and An Excerpt from My Grief Poetry, Hope in the Valley

As you engage with this post, consider:

• What has been helpful for you in your grief experience?

• How have you discovered strategies that work for your healing?

• What brings you hope?

It is always an adventure when a career finds you–in career development theory, that is called happenstance. From my college years, throughout my career, and to today, I did not necessarily set out on my career journey to become a grief and loss coach. My lived experiences were knitted together in a tapestry that combines my strengths, interests, goals, values, and skills–for this, I am grateful. And yet, the death of my daughter, Evelyn, led me here too, something for which I have gratitude for her life coupled with sadness that she isn’t here. Despite this, I am content with the reality of my life and my passion for this work.

I work with any adult coping with any type of loss. As a population, we are collectively swimming in grief and loss and part of our opportunity is to pursue healing our hearts and our minds directly tied to our grief experiences. Recently, our Pleco fish died, and the other Pleco in our fish tank immediately went into a mourning period where she would stay inside the hollow log and did not emerge for at least five days. We tried to check on the living Pleco as much as we could, a bit worried that it too had died or was dying, and instead, it was mourning its friend. Instinctively, we knew this. It was such a natural thing for any living being to do, and yet, even when a Pleco grieves its friend, we are a bit surprised, a bit in awe. Possibly because we are just now beginning to scratch the surface of what it means to integrate grief and loss into our society and modern American culture. 

In its most basic form, loss to me includes anything that you have had any level of attachment to that is no longer in its same shape, form, idea, etc. that it was when you were actively connected. This means loss as life shattering as death loss all the way to positive life transitions–I find that when adults are coping with transitions and change in their lives, even positive ones, they are grieving, whether knowingly or unknowingly, something that they were previously attached to even if it was not a good fit for them or unhealthy for them. 

When I meet with you for a grief and loss coaching appointment, I hold space for exploration while funneling the conversation through a coaching approach that helps to bring meaning to wherever you are at for a way to navigate through the depths of your experience–from the most challenging places to the highlights of your peace and accomplishments, coaching meets you wherever you are at.

I’ve explored my own grief and loss experiences through counseling, coaching, poetry, spirituality, movement, modern medicine and alternative health options, and conversations. What I appreciate about coaching is that it creates a container for any individual to fill all the way between contemplation to action. Grief and loss coaching helps you take your experience, unwind it, and move forward with new insights, action steps, and tangible coping skills.

I have created the Grief and Loss Bloom Diagram, which helps you understand your experience from a multifaceted and multidisciplinary perspective so that we can focus our work together in areas that will provide the most meaning and growth for you. While this diagram anchors my approach, I also provide you with an exit package of coaching materials so that you can continue to employ strategies that may work for you after our coaching appointments are completed. For more information about my approach, please watch this video, which you can find at the bottom of my About webpage.

As part of my grief and loss journey, I am sharing a poem I first wrote approximately five years ago in a moment where I was feeling my mistakes, my hopes, my dreams, and my grief. Feel free to listen to the audio recording of the poem read by me, or read the poem without the recording.

  
Hope in the Valley

They say life manifests peaks and valleys,

But that which should be nuanced,

Is the descent into the valley.

As a hiker knows,

Treading from the peak to the valley,

Takes time and is gradual –

You don’t just fall from peak to valley.

But, in life, that is exactly how the descent goes.

I can be at the peak, or ascending, and without caution,

Tragedy strikes.

There is no acclimation to the valley.

I descend like a stone thrown in the water,

Only swifter even,

Falling to a new depth unfelt before.

The valley swallows me.

Tears me apart, cradles me, And re-purposes me, 

With a surprising intentionality yet with a newfound lack of clarity.

As I emerge,

The soft tufts of grass provide some comfort,

Some place to land as I get back up

Only to fall again.

But the valley isn’t bad after all.

It is where I am forever changed,

Maybe for the better.

I start to feel the ground under my feet.

I can look up and see a mountain peak in the distance.

There is hope and there is fear. I cling to both, hoping that hope clings to me.

While the ascent may seem impossible,

I start to recognize that I can look up with hope

And see the climb may be gradual, it may be swift, but

That doesn’t matter.

Because I will climb again, a vessel of new compassion from the valley.

I will get to know myself as I ascend and fall–

there is no up or down, only the wisdom of here leading me, guiding me.

The journey of life is unknown–I will ascend and descend uncharted paths,

changed this time, uncovering new perspectives, new joys, new hopes, and new life.

I appreciate feedback on my blog posts. Please contact me here to provide your thoughts about this post and/or if you are interested in sharing a poem about grief and loss for a future blog post. Thank you!